Living

You’re pretty… now be interesting.

“We won the minute they started doing pole dancing for exercise.” Ryan Gosling as Jacob in Crazy, Stupid, Love on the battle of the sexes.

When I was in college, Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth was the mainstream feminist text of the day. It posited that as women gained more power in the world, so did the pressure to adhere to unrealistic social standards of physical beauty and because of commercial influences on the mass media women were more objectified than ever. Personally, these ideas gave me pause to evaluate my own self-image and consider the role the media had played in shaping my standards of beauty.

Flash forward 25 years and not only are women’s bodies still being used to sell everything from deodorant to cars, we now have access to more images than ever before through social media. Each of us is curating a story about what we want the world to know about us; pics of our dogs, our lattes, selfies. There used to be great debate about the dangers of television but we have so evolved beyond that, that television seems benign compared to the image-based world we are living in today. It is impossible to avoid being constantly bombarded by images, day in and day out. No matter where you are, there is a television, an advertisement, a magazine, a logo, computer screen or phone in your hand to deliver ideas and standards of beauty.

Of course we all want to be pretty and admired. However, one scroll through my Instagram feed is enough to make me cringe. Smart women with feeds showcasing their bodies in hyper-sexualized ways that would be worthy of old-school Playboy. Then there is the argument that it is our choice. The idea that we have achieved such freedom and equality that women have the choice to do what they want with their bodies. I get it but I am baffled.

It seems to me that we have turned self-objectification into empowerment and it does not seem to be in an ironic way.  I recently had a frustrating conversation with a man who told me that he thought women wanted men to look at them with lust- he even went so far as to suggest that women who worked in the sex industry were seeking male attention. I tried to make an argument that our society has turned women’s sexuality into a commodity and that for many women it becomes the only currency they have, especially when they have not had access to education and opportunity.

However, what about the educated women? Women who are talking about their boob photos and perfect moist pouty lip selfie as empowerment? Maybe it is empowerment- if they believe it. Or maybe the brainwashing has gone so far that we are our own worst enemies.

Living, Mexico

What’s your Spiritual Journey?

My editor’s letter from the February 2019 edition of The Eye magazine.

http://www.theeyehuatulco.com

‘Silence is a source of great strength. ‘

Lao Tzu

I am a big fan of quiet. It is why I don’t mind long bus journeys or often prefer to stay home rather than go out and socialize. While I enjoy talking with people, I take great comfort at the end of the day in the quiet of the world. 

Last September I attended a 10-day silent meditation retreat held in Oaxaca City through Vipassana Mexico. I felt slightly daunted about the no talking, no eye contact days that would stretch ahead of me, but I was more worried about forgoing my evening wine and reading (yes, no reading or writing!) than embracing the quiet. The retreat was held in a convent in the center of the city and the sounds of the outside world gave some solace to our otherwise silent days that began at 4:30am with a couple of hours of meditation before our vegan breakfast. 

There were about 50 women attending and 20 men; however, the only non-gender-segregated space was the meditation hall, where women were on one side and men on the other. It was a beautiful experience to be in a woman-only space and not be distracted with small talk or worrying if people like you – I could just be.

There were a few difficult moments but as I felt my heart slow down, my mind followed, allowing me to truly embrace the present moment. During difficult times I would stroll through the gardens of the convent looking at flowers or slip my shoes off and luxuriate in the feeling of the ground underfoot. 

When the 10 days were up I felt completely rejuvenated. 

This month our readers explore spiritual journeys and you can see from the articles that what each of us defines as a spiritual journey is very individual. The word spirituality is connected with the Latin word “spiritus”, meaning breath. In French there is the word “esprit” referring to a person’s joy or vivaciousness. 

What moves you? Beyond the drudgery of the tasks of everyday living, what does your spirit yearn for? Maybe when you read this question the answer leapt into your mind without hesitation. Maybe your mind flitted and you are not sure what could possibly be the spiritual journey for you.

Sit in silence. Listen to your breath. The answer will reveal itself.

Living

Countdown- 10 things to make you happier in 2018

#10 Introduce yourself to your neighbor
When a political speech by some hopeful candidate is televised I have this secret fantasy that one of the candidates will tell everyone to step away from their TVs and go introduce themselves to their neighbor. Technology promised us connection, but the truth is the majority of us are living more isolated than ever. Get up from your computer, phone whatever and go introduce yourself to your neighbor. It’s easy. It’s even easier if you have a holiday gift- maybe a jar of jam from the local farmer’s market or some freshly baked cookies. Let them know that you are available if they ever need anything and exchange phone numbers for emergencies.

#9 Stop buying shit you don’t need

This may seem like a ridiculous thing to suggest just days before the biggest gift-giving day of the year. However, who do you really need to buy for and do they really need more shit from China? Re-gift. Give away something you already own like a book you finished reading and a note about why you think the receiver will like it. Paint a picture, write a poem, sing a song or make a donation in their name.

#8 Stop eating corporate

Sanjayan, a global conservation scientist, said in an interview with Tim Feriss that people are always asking him the one thing they can do to change the world. He said ‘change what you eat.’ Stop eating crappy fast food! If you don’t cook and need some quick energy, familiarize yourself with local coffee shops and restaurants. Call ahead for your ‘to go’ orders. Corporate food is mass-produced and highly processed.

#7 Don’t renew your gym membership

Going to the gym is a largely modern phenomenon. In the past people didn’t live such sedentary lives so they didn’t have all this extra energy leftover at the end of the day. Unless you are a body builder or in training for a specific goal, going to a gym is the ultimate waste of time. There are other ways to break a sweat and get your heartrate up. What if you walked to the grocery store or biked to the library? Running is free. Join a team. Take the money you save from not renewing your gym membership and invite your neighbor to a local restaurant.

#6 Put down your phone

Don’t check your messages the first hour of your day. Turn off social media notifications- you don’t really need to know when some guy from high school likes one of your photos.

#5 Get rid of 5 things everyday

This will feel great! Go through your closet, your cupboards, and your bookshelves. If you don’t love it, if you aren’t using it, get rid of it. Give it away, repurpose it or throw it away! Embrace minimalism. Less baggage opens up space for new stuff and new thoughts.

#4 Read a book instead of the news

We are living in a time when being informed is highly praised, however it is not urgent that you know about every horrible thing happening around the globe.

#3 Unfriend people who aren’t really your friends

Facebook friends aren’t really your friends. I would suggest getting off Facebook entirely but I know many of you, like me, use the Face for your business. However, your personal page should be personal. My top 3 criteria for this elimination is the following:

1. Do I actually know you? If not, unfriend.

2. Do I like you? If not, unfriend.

3. If I saw you on the street would I say hi? If not, unfriend.

#2 Walk or take public transportation

You will save a lot of money if you do this. Plus, you will get more exercise- probably lose weight. Public transportation is awesome! You can read on the bus, listen to podcasts and make your own lists like this one.

#1 Talk to strangers

Greet shopkeepers, bus drivers and baristas with a genuine ‘good morning.’ You will ooze good vibes. My personal cure for a bad mood is to take a walk and smile at every person I pass. Happiness is contagious, joy is contagious- if you want it, you need to spread it!